It's undisputed fact that in normal life I am the clumsiest woman in the world. I trip on flat surfaces, walk into chairs, tables, doors, sprout mysterious bruises from unknown collisions... You get the picture.
But when I move with purpose, like for example like when I'm playing the speed game, I am invincible. When I'm playing the speed game, I am an urban ninja, I bump into nothing and no one, trip over nothing, I am graceful and agile.*
So could someone please explain why the universe felt the need to make it up to me yesterday by surrounding me with runners up to my klutz queen crown? Including the guy who was hanging onto two rails in the subway car but still stumbled back and stepped on me.
Really universe I give myself enough bruises. Don't help.
*hyperbole not included in your daily service rates
I can explain this! It is Crazystein's Law of Klutz Emission. When a klutz stands still for too long (read: any amount of time more than 0.01 microseconds) the potential klutz energy builds to an unsustainable point and the stationary klutz (hear after referred to as Queenie) begins to radiate the excessive klutz energy outwards. This energy is absorbed by other objects and people who, if already stationary, prolong the chain. If they are in motion..well..then they bump into you, thereby turning the potential klutz energy into kinetic klutz energy as nature intended.
ReplyDeleteThat... makes too much sense. Either you have discovered a new theory of physics or we're sharing brain matter again [still?].
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