Leggings and Ladyparts

Hi everyone. Sorry about my hiatus. I'd like to tell you I was in Cabo, drinking fruity umbrella drinks on the beach. Or in my villa at the Riviera having my feet massaged by men with glistening abs. Alas, nothing so exciting. Not even a feather boa.

I do return to you with a cough-cough lovely story.

Walking to the train, I witnessed a man attempting to grab the crotch of his tank top and leggings clad girlfriend.

Two rules for women occur to me as a result:

1. Don't wear leggings without a tunic or some kind of long top to cover your privates.

And.

2. Don't date men who think it alright to manhandle your lady parts on a busy city street in full view of the passing public.

Not sure what koolaid this lady drank but judging but the flirty giggle she offered as she batted his hand away... She may beyond salvation. Sad.

Umbrella ella oh hell ah

While I will never approve of umbrella-hats (small umbrellas strapped onto the wearer's head) for either practical or stylistic reasons, I do give extra effort points to the man wearing one on his shorn bald skull on a sunny morning.

Oh New York.

Half caf blahblah

How much (bad*) coffee do you have to drink so that when you sit at a two seater bench on the lirr your benchmate can smell it on you while leaning away from you as if it is some kind of aggressive perfume?

*As some of you know, I am not much of a coffee drinker. I drink the black gold but rarely, but when I do it better be good. So I'm picky. And the coffee addicts- err... drinkers around me are selective too.

So I can say with certainty, the scent was crappy coffee. Next time, please lady, smell like better coffee. Thanks.*

It might be wise to cut down a little.

And maybe never wear that outfit in public either.

XX v XY

Dear world,

Please stop perpetuating the myth that girls and women are the gossips. Today's rail trip is ample proof that vapid college boys are major contributors to the judgmental, empty headed rating.

Incidentally, was fate seating them near me some kind of homicide by vixen project? Because my skirt is white and they're sizable boys. So really, I object to serving as a clean up girl unless fate pays my dry cleaning bill. Blood is hard to get out of fabric, you know.

Love,

Me.

Oh Darwin

Dear applicant for the Darwin award,

I could not see you because you weren't in my train car. But it took you six or seven tries to let the doors close in an almost empty train.

Please assure me that you have not bred and do not intend to breed. If you have bred, please provide your spawn with alternate care arrangements for his/her/their own good. Then please place your neck in my outstretched hands.

Thank you,

The Darwin awards committee member.