Ode to Bagels or Why Karma is Really Weird

So it's winter in New York. Usually, that means extremely unpredictable, sometimes chilly weather. But, now, the temperatures have dropped into the teens and stayed that way. That definitely doesn't make me happy.

What also doesn't make me happy?

Having to get up at 6:30 to go to Bronx Supreme Court. In the cold. Cause it's cold - have I mentioned that?

But now, with the wisdom of experience, I realize that I should have just been happy with that. Cause things...well...

Okay so it started when my hubby dropped me off at the LIRR and I took a nice, long nap to Penn. Then both my trains came quickly.

And I thought, "Hm, that was too convenient. I'm going to pay for that later."

Because karma. (Yes I know that's not really how karma works. Just pretend with me for a second.)

So I get to court, relatively quickly dispose of one case and sit down to email the office so that I can go to the next courtroom.

Unfortunately, that's not what the universe has in store for me.

Nope. What the universe decides I need is a nice loud fire alarm drill.

As you may or may not know, I'm sensitive to loud noises. Having to listen to a fire alarm is like having fire heated metal stakes driven into my ears. (Go ahead, take a moment and picture that.)

But you know. Now I can hope that this was my punishment for morning travel efficiency and all will be well now.

But not so, my darlings, not so!

Because some very loud lady thought the best way to advertise her end of times ministry radio show was by loudly preaching about Jesus and what was I'm pretty sure a very retelling of some Old Testament stories. From Yankee Stadium to Columbus Circle. Luckily for someone who isn't me, she managed to hit whatever pitch it is that makes me insane. (Please see "hearing sensitivity" above.)

As you know, normally I ignore annoying train behavior and then tell you all about it. But today... today...  I swear if she said "my friends" one more time...

I actually seriously debated telling her that I'm neither her friend nor do I have any personal interest in Jesus but rather I'm totally into demon worship and human sacrifices. But then she'd probably have preached at me more. ...which I'm not even sure is possible but still. Never engage the crazy.

And, of course, getting away from her blather meant I'd get stuck on the C just one stop away from my destination long enough to miss my train. (And thus have to wait for an hour for the next one.)

Okay but now...now the karmic kickback had to be over. Right?

Wrong.

Apparently today is my day to be afflicted by strangers.

I just wanted a goddamn butted garlic bagel. Instead what I got was an everything bagel with a side of weird, creepy dude hitting on me. No, strange man, I'm definitely not interested. Ever. (Although, for the record, the bagel was amazing. It was simultaneously airy and chewy and perfectly buttered. If only it was garlic...)

And then, because assaulting my ears just isn't enough, a lady approached me in the LIRR waiting room to ask me about participating in a perfume survey. Did I mention that, in addition to being hearing sensitive, I'm also allergic to any scented products?

You're not funny, universe. You're not.

All I can say is... please help! Send SWAT! The Seals! I don't care.

I'm going to go home and lock the fucking door.

Vixen out.