Oh Darwin

Dear applicant for the Darwin award,

I could not see you because you weren't in my train car. But it took you six or seven tries to let the doors close in an almost empty train.

Please assure me that you have not bred and do not intend to breed. If you have bred, please provide your spawn with alternate care arrangements for his/her/their own good. Then please place your neck in my outstretched hands.

Thank you,

The Darwin awards committee member.