Appropriate Court Wear? Hah!

Dear fellow attorney lady,

I know. The courts are stuck in the 80s and those suits are so so stuffy when you have to wear them every day. And let's not even go on about the high heeled shoes we are for some reason expected to wear. 

Yeah I too remember being told in law school that women should be wearing skirt suits, heels and pearls to interviews and court. Because, it's the 80s. Or maybe the 60s. But definitely not the modern era where women can wear pants and flats. Because the court system sucks that's why.

However.

All this sexism aside, a bright blue skirt that was gently tip toeing into mini-skirt land and cowboy boots, no matter how demure the blazer they were matched with, are just not okay.

I don't even know what you were trying to do there. But don't do it again.

With love,

Vixen [who also sometimes wishes to wear outlandish things to court... BUT NEVER DOES!]

And for a bonus:

Kudos lady who I am pretty sure is not a lawyer. Your ensemble of sweatpants and uggs in court was just breathtaking. Keep up the crazy work.

Train games

Dear MTA,

You suck.

Today you made me miss the LIRR in the most pointlessly asinine way.

First you sent by two trains in the opposite direction and none in the direction I needed for about fifteen minutes. I was sure I was sunk. Then the train came and went express, which cruelly gave me hope.

Alas then the train broke down the stop before mine. However, instead of letting the passengers switch to the other train that stopped in, your idiot conductors kept the doors closed. And they played with those doors for ten minutes,  losing all of that gained time and missing my LIRR line by minutes.

If I choke you that might in fact be too good for you.

No love,

Cranky vixen who has to wait an hour for the next train 

(Post written weeks and weeks ago. Blogger fail.)

Shoe abuse

Here is a not so secret confession.

I have a shoe problem. No matter how many I have, I always want more. And I play favorites. Because shoes are not created equal.

So yeah shocker secondary confession, I judge other people's shoes. You guys know that.

But today... today my vision went dark.

What is seen cannot be unseen...

I admit that my position on uggs is that of general disfavor.

But today. Today.  Oh today...

Today I saw an attorney in a courtroom in an attractive dark suit, neatly arranged hair and... uggs.

Honey. Oh honey. Not okay.

I know it's colder than the proverbial witch's tit (which is frankly bizarre and makes no sense) but that is not only hideous but also not appropriate.

But it's okay. After court we can have a liquid lunch so I can cope with my trauma and go shoe shopping. Because shoes.

Stupid people everywhere

(Written 1/17 posted late)

This morning I was stuck on a train that sounded like a busy cafe. Yes. At 7am. Diediedie. Wear gags. Die.

Now I'm stuck across the aisle from a chronic sniffler who is making no effort to do anything about her little noise maker. She had plenty of time to stop for elevensies* but picking up a box of tissues for a clearly runny nose was apparently out of the question.

I know. I know! If I had patience and tolerance with humanity's stupid,  I would be a perfect human specimen and the universe is encouraging me on that path.  But really.  I don't need to be perfect. I'm fine the way I am.

*Please note that it is 11am ish so it is time for elevensies and she got on the train with at least ten minutes to spare. I was making a logistical point not food shaming. And actually I'm kinda hungry so maybe if she shared I would want to kill her less.

Train pirates

Between you and me,  I hate people begging on the train. Whether it's straight up begging or begging disguised as performance art-usually not good art, it's basically taking your audience captive.  And since you never know if the person really needs money or is making good cash from this gig... giving in is mostly a sucker's game.

But whatever.  These are the things a city dweller must live with.

What really makes me peevish though is this - if the train is making an overhead announcement about the route changes, why oh why can't these people shut the Hell up long enough for the passengers to listen? 

Believe me if you weren't getting money from me before you drowned out important travel info,  you are sure not getting it now.  You might however get a black eye.

New York weather madness

Weather in New York means having to own fifteen coats of varying warmth and wearing whichever three the temperature lottery picks out for the season.

Shirts and vests and hats!!!

Sandy is over. The mta is recovering.

In honor of NY, I present:

Dear creepy creepy man,

It's like forty degrees. Everyone but you is bundled up. And we are probably getting snow today.

And you have your shirt oh so stylishly unbuttoned beneath your vest nearly to your stomach because you think we, your not so adoring public, wish to gaze lovingly upon the graying thatch inhabiting your chest.

I assure you, this is not the case.

What is seen cannot be unseen.

Button up.

Save our eyes from the burning and yourself from pneumonia.

No love,

The girl in the hat, scarf and arm warmers.